Friendly forty-year-old cowgirl looking for ...

This is the first blog entry I’ve dreaded writing, but Doug broke the ice for me and announced to the world that I am 40. So far being 40 is going fine, not half as bad as I have been envisioning the last couple of months. First, I had always envisioned throwing myself a huge bash with all my dearest life long friends. We don’t have many life long friends in Queenstown since we only arrived five months ago. Instead, I spent a magical day hiking with Doug followed by a silly evening celebrating with Doug, Colin and Liam. Just before I fell asleep I listened to a CD made by my cousin Bruce and sent to me by my Auntie Jean. It was a digitized recording from about 39 years ago of my grandparents. They are talking to me. My granny is feeding geese from the boat and describing each goose to me. My grandpa tells me stories, Little Red Riding Hood and The Three Little Pigs, with his own colorful, less than traditional, descriptions. My grandparents rise early one autumn morning and put the recorder on the deck of the boat so my mom in faraway California can hear them jump into the cold Cape Cod waters. I could hear them splashing into the water, laughing and whooping. I was mesmerized by their voices, ceaseless laughter and commotion. I wondered how my mom felt listening to this same recording long ago and again more recently. Now I am the daughter that has moved far away with the grandchildren. Whoa - that’s more than enough of a trip down memory lane, even for a fortieth.

Poor Doug. He needs lots of support or relief after the last couple of months with me. Two events collided simultaneously in my life. First, I turned forty. Second, I have had a bumpy re-entry into the equine world. Remember a blog entry I wrote over a month ago about my new horse? Remember, how excited I was to have a horse once again? Well, that horse and I had a wild ride to say the least. The first vet visit, my sweet new horse spent most of the time on her hind legs, pawing the air with her forelegs. I gave her the benefit of the doubt and assumed that the alpaca were putting her on edge. But every bush we passed seemed to hide a lurking horse murderer. Okay, I thought I’ve handled many a crazy horse in my day, I can handle this one too. Then, I realized the relationship wasn’t going anywhere after three full-on, hunch-backed bronco bucks out of nowhere sent me flying literally head over heels through the air until I landed flat on my back. I lay in the dust with the wind knocked out of me and realized that I am too old for such a wild ride. I did get back on, but I knew that our relationship was over. The trust had been broken. Several days later, my new bronc returned to her former home. I think it was the first time that I have actually felt TOO OLD for something that at one time had been so natural. Riding during my teens, I never worried about falling off, getting thrown or flying through the air. I just wanted to race down the trail bareback with the wind streaming past. Now, I do worry. I think about my two boys, blah, blah, blah… For some crazy reason, I had assumed I would return to the saddle like I'd never left. Doug had to put up with my morose mood.

My horse left, just before my birthday. I admit that I have been a crazy woman. I think I have just wanted to prove to myself that I have lost the cowgirl in me. I have been looking, with more caution, for that perfect horse and driving all over the countryside to see prospective horses. I feel like I have been serial dating horses.

Just a week ago, my second new horse arrived. Over the winter, I am leasing a thoroughbred mare. She is fourteen years old and a dark bay. Based on our first few rides, she and I seem like a much better match. She could care less about the alpacas. She still has lots of go, but so far (crossing fingers) she has kept her four hooves closer to the ground. I am optimistic, however, I am taking this relationship slower. I'll keep you posted on our progress.

I feel like posting a personal ad: Friendly forty-year-old cowgirl looking for an energetic, but sensible, equine friend for long rides in the hills.